Archive | July, 2012

Old vs New

9 Jul

You know how you have people in your life that have been around for years and years?  Those people have been with you through thick and thin, have known your ups and downs. Those are the people that  “really know you.”  But then you start to make changes in your life.  You meet new people, you make new discoveries about the world and yourself.

In this journey to joining the Peace Corps, two things have been made clear.  1) I am a different person than I was, 2) People do not necessarily fit into the life of the person that I want to become.  Sounds harsh, but it’s the truth.  It is the fact that some people are moving n a different direction, almost keeping stagnant while I am trying to grow.

This was made abundantly clear when I told a friend of 10+ years of my desire to join the Peace Corps.

Their response, “Really? Why would you want to do that? Where would you go, how miserable.” I don’t even want to write down some of the other responses that they gave.

I was so dumb struck. I didn’t even know what to say. So I just left, literally turned around and walked out.  What do you say to something like that?  When someone who you thought shared the same values as you, and knew you well enough to give their support to you in a decision that is right for you. Sure everyone is entitled to their own opinions but when their opinion literally degrades your dream.  Is that really a person you want to be around?

In contrast, when I told others about the decision.  Some response included…

“I always knew that you were a person who wanted to change the world.”

“I am so excited for you.”

“This is perfect for you.”

Those responses made me feel good.  Some people, especially my parents voiced their concerns, but they supported me 100% in realizing that this is a good decision for me.

It made me realize that some of the people who were in my life were people who didn’t even know me.  Their perceptions of me clouded them seeing who I really am. Of course this does not apply to all of the people who are my older friends, majority of them where right there with me and on my side. But it became obvious that I have grown out of some people.  There comes a time where you have to realize that you are carrying unnecessary baggage. And if you are trying to travel too much baggage become 1)Very expensive. You know how much money we spend on trying to keep up relationships with people that we don’t need to keep a relationship with.  Going to dinner, drinks, brunch.  Why?  2) A pain in the butt to drag around  3)prevents you from purchasing anything new because there is no space!  You can’t make time for new people and new experiences when are holding on to people that aren’t adding any value.

Time to make space for new purchases!

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Peace Corps Interview

7 Jul

It’s a little late now, but I want to catch up. I sat around making myself absolutely nuts thinking about this interview.  What it I am not good enough?  Why am I even going through this process I know dam well I can’t do it.  Make it as a Peace Corps Volunteer…what.. me?!  Then I looked back in my diary at a quote I had written down a while ago.

“Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?

It’s not that I am afraid that I can’t do it.  It’s true.  I’m afraid that I can.  Because if I do, what will people say?

Why is always about other people anyway. Never really taking a chance to look at yourself, myself, and ask what do I want.  Isn’t that the root of the problem. Living for other people and not ourselves.  Done with it…

By the way..Interview rocked!! Got my nomination. Going to the Farmers Market!

Success

7 Jul

O.K., so I went back and looked at my diary, started in 2008, where I said that “My Life Started Now.”  That was in 2008 and now I find myself in 2012, and guess what, I finally did it!  The fact is that what I thought I need to “start my life” then is not what I actually needed.  (Or maybe it is because as you grow you realize that you need different things..?…HHMM) Either way, I made the decision to make a significant change.  That change is what I think I will need.

I’ve decided to join the Peace Corps.  An organization that I believe has the values that I need to be associated with.  It’s hard when you realize that you are associated with things that don’t have the same values as you do. It can bring you down, make you start to really question who you are, or never really develop who you are in the right way.

There is so much nonsense to distract you. Expectations of friends and family, obligations to status, shoot…reality t.v.  All of those distractions stop us, stopped me, from taking the time to think about what I wanted.  What did I want?  To be a change agent. So Here I go!